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These are a few of our SOAP notes from today’s reading. We encourage you to read and journal on your own first, then join us in conversation about what God revealed to YOU today. Click HERE to go directly to the daily reading if you wish.
You Are Familiar, In An Unfamiliar Season | Michelle Myers
S~ Then the LORD opened Balaam’s eyes, and he saw the angel of the LORD standing in the road with his sword drawn. So he bowed low and fell face down.” Numbers 22:31 (NIV)
O~ Balaam’s donkey was not following his commands. This was out of character for it. However, Balaam got angry with it, and it beat it. What Balaam could not see, but the donkey could, was the angel of the LORD, who was there to oppose him. The donkey was protecting Balaam. The angel was there to oppose Balaam, because his path was a reckless one.
A~ I can see aspects of both Balaam and the donkey in my life.
Like Balaam, I can get frustrated and angry when things don’t go my way. However, this is not nearly the episode it used to be. Now those initial feelings are usually quickly followed by the knowledge that You have some good reason to allow the opposition that You do in my life. That good reason usually isn’t clear to me to me in the moment, and it may never be. However, my faith has grown enough to trust in You and Your goodness.
Also like Balaam, when junk happens, it can hurt my pride. When the donkey asked Balaam why he was beating it, Balaam responded, “You have made a fool of me! If I had a sword in my hand, I would kill you right now.” (Numbers 22:29) I have realized that certain people, who don’t understand my walk with You, the life I have chosen to live, or the way I raise my kids; are going to think I am foolish regardless. That is why I have to stay connected and focused on You. When I am not, it is so easy for me to disregard the big picture of what You are doing, believe lies about myself, ignore the opposing forces that want to harm me, and let my own pride get in the way of Your will and the direction in which You are leading me.
Like the donkey, who Balaam wanted to kill, because it had embarrassed him for what appeared to be no good reason, I have to examine my heart and motives, and stand in the truth. The donkey responded to Balaam by pointing out its past history with him. “Am I not your own donkey, which you have always ridden, to this day? Have I been in the habit of doing this to you?” Balaam responded with, “No”. (Numbers 22:30) However, even when my heart, motives, words, and actions are aligned with You, there are going to be people who ignore the truth or past history, and believe what they want to believe.
I am in an unfamiliar season of having to navigate through insurance lingo and paperwork related to a car accident. Things that used to get filed under medical insurance, now need to get filed with our car insurance. The 11 year old van that I used to drive, that had doors I had to manually open and shut as well as a seat that I had to manually warm with my own tush, has been replaced with an updated version, that has doors that automatically open and close and seats that warm themselves. The truth is, I am thankful that I had the ability to replace my old, totaled van. However, before it was a pile of bent metal in the front, lacking a tire and headlight that hung off to the side, past the driver’s door, I was fine with it, and definitely loved the fact that it was paid off.
The fact is, that I am getting the full brunt of responsibility for this accident. Speed can’t be proven. Driver distractions can’t be proven. Injuries that could have been decreased or avoided with seat belt use, don’t even come into play in the state that I live in. All that can be proven is that I turned into the path of another car, while I was turning left, on a green light and not a green arrow.
However, You know and see the big picture and truth, even when I don’t. My pride is not so great, that I believe I could not have made a mistake or contributed to the accident. Yet, there are parts of me that long for information and truths that I may never know. Yet, I have to focus on the truths that I do know. As I was talking about the accident and my “bad driving” with my family the other day, my daughter who was in the accident with me, pointed out, “Mom you weren’t driving badly”. She was right. The truth is, the big picture is, and past history shows that I am not a “bad driver”. I have been driving for almost 30 years, and never had a ticket. That isn’t from sheer luck at never getting caught. I take driving and the safety of myself and others seriously. However, that does not mean that I have been exempt from looking at my speedometer and realizing that I am unknowingly going over the speed limit. In which case, I slow down. My heart isn’t one, in which I feel that it is my right to do whatever I want or drive whichever way I want.
Unfortunately, for a 16 year-old driver, who follows the law, the assumption is that they are responsible for an accident because they are automatically irresponsible. This isn’t always the case. I have met 16 year-old that are more wise and more responsible than 60 year-old adults. Age has nothing to do with it either.
So, here I am, again in this unfamiliar place, feeling like my life is a stubborn, uncooperative donkey. Yet, knowing that the big picture of it, is that You have a bigger, good purpose for what is going on. Besides my own motives and heart, that is about all I do know. Until You show me more, I have to just trust that You have got this!
P~ Once again God, I am so thankful for my relationship with You. I am thankful that we ALL are going to be OK. That is Your grace. I am thankful for our new van. That is Your grace. I am thankful for insurance. That is Your grace. Please help me see what I need to see, to stand in truth. Please help me see what I need to see, so that my pride doesn’t make me reckless or a danger to myself or someone else. Please help me see what I need to see, so I can remember that looks, age, status, etc. can all be deceiving. Sometimes, You work through the donkeys of the world, because they are more connected and aligned with You. Please help me remember that You have all the obstacles that come into my life………..You are sovereign. You have a purpose for them………………..You are good.
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