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On My Own, I Am Not Bold Or Stouthearted | Michelle Myers
S~ When I called, you answered me; you made me bold and stouthearted. Psalm 138:3 (NIV)
O~ According to the on-line dictionary, bold means, “(of a person, action, or idea) showing an ability to take risks, confident and courageous. Stouthearted means, “courageous or determined”.
A~ I have not been “feeling” bold or courageous. As I look back on the risks that I have taken, I minimize the confidence and courage it took to take those risks. I often feel as if I have no “good” choices, and do just what I feel I have to and “suck it up” as I go along. That doesn’t “feel” very bold or courageous most of the time.
Yet, You reminded me of how much courage it took me to quit my job, how I stood over the out-going mail basket at the school, painfully contemplating whether I should drop it in there. You reminded me how much courage it took me to leave my husband, with no job and two kids, having to go to my parents for temporary assistance, when I knew that my mom wasn’t going to be the empathetic, supportive mom that I really needed. And when she wasn’t, Then, You gave me the ability to try and have a hard, good-hearted conversation with her about how I have to do what I feel is best for my children, my well being, and my current marital relationship. And when that conversation went nowhere, You gave me the ability to stand in truth and the courage to go on with myself accordingly, in spite of it. You reminded me of how much courage it took for me to severe ties with her, once You showed me how much of a toll having a relationship with her was taking on me, and how it was interfering with my relationship with You.
You reminded me that You helped me be bold when I moved back to my hometown and had to go from small town to small town to sign up to substitute teach, even though I was completely worn down, sad, confused, and broken.
You reminded me of how much courage it took to file bankruptcy, physically alone and without the person, who was primarily responsible for the financial destruction. Heck, the attorney that I had worked with, couldn’t make it and at last minute sent someone else. Someone I didn’t know, had never met, and never bothered to introduce themselves to me. I am sure they were in that room somewhere.
I sat there in that room, with other financially broken people, and read Your Word, while I waited for them to call my name. You gave me a pretty light-hearted guy who chuckled and eased my fears a little, when I was asked if I have anything else pending in the courts, and I said, “Just my divorce from my moron of a husband”. I remember being so confused and scared. When he was done asking me questions, I sat back down and waited for more…punishment, ridicule…I am not sure what I expected, a public flogging maybe? There wasn’t more. I soon realized that I was free to leave. The process was quick and simple, but not one I ever saw myself going through, nor one I would ever want to repeat again.
You reminded me that You gave me the courage to come back, when my husband started to get the help that he needed. Oh, how I wrestled and fought with You over that one! I was so afraid of what I would be putting myself and my children back into. It seemed so unfair. I couldn’t understand why You brought me here, just to send me back there.
You have given me boldness, courage, confidence, and determination to home school my child. Something I never saw myself doing. You have given me the ability to do it, not only time-wise, but with my background in education. I often have to remind myself of this, when I am feeling like I am “going to screw her whole education up”. She is learning more now, than she ever did in public school. I mean learning it, not just “getting it” for the next test. It doesn’t always fit into the nice, efficient time-line or box that her and I are accustomed to, but it is getting done, and getting done more effectively.
P~ Thank you God for the reminders. I often do not “feel” very bold or stouthearted. I am realizing that on my own, I am not. I need You. I especially need You during this season, because I am tired and worn out.
Get over people, Nikki; just love them | Nikki Metzger
S~ Then He said to them, “You like to appear righteous in public, but God knows your hearts. What this world honors is detestable in the sight of God. Luke 16:15 (NLT)
O~ This chapter is all about the money, money, money.
A~ My copied prayer from two weeks ago:
“My chief request of God is that He will super naturally flood my life with an unending, ever-increasing desire for His Son.”
The more space that Jesus takes up in my head and heart, the less space I have for other things. And I really have to question if I want more of Jesus in regards to social media. Do I want to appear righteous online? God knows my heart.
I LOVE to get likes!! I love the hearts or the thumbs up, A LOT!! I’ve found myself posting stuff, then checking it ten minutes later to see if I have any ‘likes’. If it’s a person who ‘likes’ everything, I don’t count their ‘like’ as much as another person who doesn’t ‘like’ as often.
That is so embarrassing as I write that down. I am honoring what the world honors – and that’s detestable to my Father.
P~ Father, will You super naturally flood my life with an unending, ever-increasing desire for Your Son. The battle for my thoughts, my desires are wanting to appear righteous in the public, for getting likes, and for honor and attention of people. I don’t want to honor what the world honors! I want You- even when I don’t have those ‘spiritual’ feelings. Love You, love the people around me. Please help me to do just that today! In Your Name, I pray!