June 15 1 Kings 16; 2 Chronicles 15,16; Colossians 1
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Not the Person I Want to Be! | Michelle Myers
S~ God will strengthen you with his own great power so that you will not give up when troubles come, but you will be patient. Colossians 1:11 (NCV)
O~ My strength comes from God. He often uses one stinky situation to help strengthen and prepare me for another one.
A~ In a conversation with my husband the other day, it was disclosed that he has been periodically slipping in his addiction. I had no idea. His sponsor did, but I did not. Basically, my boundary is that he has 24 hours to tell me when he has actively acted out in regards to his addiction. I don’t need to know every lustful struggle he has, but I do need to know when he has acted out (which usually means with or without pornography has fantasized and masturbated to the porn or fantasy). There was confusion in communication, in regards to what he is to disclose to his sponsor, to me, and to both of us. I do believe he did not intentionally hide anything from me.
Now with that being said, it was still an unexpected blow that triggered a lot from the past. My mind started to race. The confusion set in. Also, I started to understand why we were having some difficulties with anger, communication, and follow through. All of which, can get me to a place where I feel like I am going crazy. I now understood why we were here….again, and why I felt the way I did. Also, I was relieved to know that I was not going crazy.
In feeling the same emotions as I did when he first disclosed things to me five and a half years ago, I was not loving, kind, patient, or even very civil. I did see my sponsor that evening, and she helped me work through some things. Yet, even when I left her house, I still wasn’t at a good place. Then I sat with God, and this is what I got from God….
God told me:
–I have a right to be angry. I have a right to the feelings of insecurity, hurt, and confusion. But the way that I am expressing them towards my husband, regardless of what he did or did not do, is not the person I (God) created you to be, and I (God) know it is not the person you want to be.
With that, I changed my words and actions towards my husband; even though, I was not feeling loving, secure, or stable at that time. I also humbly acknowledged, to both God and my husband, how my words and actions were wrong.
God showed me:
–The morning after my husband’s full disclosure, over five years ago, I was standing at the stove making breakfast for our girls. I was confused. I was scared. I was broken. My world had just been turned upside down. He comes downstairs, kisses me, tells me, “bye” and leaves for work. He didn’t appear to be confused, scared, or broken. In fact, he seemed more calm than he had in months. I now know that his secrets were what was keeping him from being calm before his disclosure. Once the disclosure happens, the addict feels a sense of relief and calm; and the icky feelings are transferred over to the spouse, who has been hit by a freight train.
God showed me, that I am not that same broken person standing at the stove five years ago. I am much wiser. I am much stronger. He assured me that what ever path this takes, whether it be from this incident or from one that might happen in the future, He has got me and I will make it through.
With that, I was able to go back to the drawing board and re-examine what needs to be done, so this does not become a perpetual cycle. He is responsible for his sobriety. I have no control over that, and I don’t want to babysit him. I also know that he has an addiction, and it is tough. It would be unrealistic for me to think he is never going to struggle with this again. Plus, him fearing that I will leave every time he does struggle, is only putting more pressure on him and setting it up to where he will feel more compelled to hide it from me. I know he doesn’t want me to leave him.
It isn’t the struggle or slips that I don’t or have compassion for; it is the not disclosing it, the purposeful lying and deceitfulness of the past, that I can’t and won’t live with. I communicated and clarified exactly what information I need to know about. My job is to stay calm when he does fess up, so he feels safe in doing so. I also reiterated some old personal truths and added a few new ones, such as, “I want to make it clear that when you do this, I personally consider it adultery. Some people may not, but I do.” I also set firm consequences, for behavior that I find out he should have disclosed, but didn’t. The most extreme being, that I we will not continue on with our marriage.
With that being said, I have to also be fully prepared, at some point to potentially follow through and carry that out. And today, I am much stronger and can carry that out with a peace, security, and confidence I did not have, the first time around. I don’t want to, but I can, if I need to. God does not expect me to be a doormat, living in a constant state of chaos, waiting for the next freight train to knock me on my booty. I do have choices. I am not a victim.
God gave me:
A deeper sense of compassion and understanding for my husband. He doesn’t want this addiction. He didn’t start all of this viewing and behavior at the age of 14, thinking that it would lead him here. He carries a great deal of shame and guilt because of it, and regardless of what he does or does not do; I don’t want to add to that shame.
THAT IS NOT THE PERSON GOD CREATED ME TO BE, AND THAT IS NOT THE PERSON I WANT TO BE.
P~ Thank you God for your wisdom and strength. Thank you for my husband. I pray you help strengthen him in his struggles with this addiction. I pray that you help heal the shame he carries around with him, and help him see himself the way that you see him.
Before Time Began… | Joni Tyner
S~ Christ is the visible image of the invisible God. He existed before anything was created and is supreme over all creation. Colossians 1:15 (NLT)
O~ Paul is writing to the church of Colossae, he is teaching them that Christ was deity (this means that Jesus is God) He was in the beginning with God the Father—before ANYTHING else.
A~ As I ponder the vastness of this statement, it really wows me. Christ was there, waaaaay back in the beginning. He saw Adam be created. He saw Eve formed from Adam’s rib. He saw the floods and the faithfulness of Noah. He saw the Israelites wander in the desert for forty years. Throughout the Bible, Christ has been there. How could one so wise, one that has seen the beginning of time, be personally interested in me and every detail in my life? I don’t know…it’s one of the mysteries of God. It’s just a really cool thought to think I’ve got a personal relationship with the creator of the world.
As I watched this video, I am reminded of the perfect plan of God. He was in existence before all of creation, He led a perfect life on this earth, and then, he willingly chose to submit to a horrendous death on cross…all to save me.
P~ Dear Lord, Thank you for choosing to me. I love You, I shudder to think that You, in all your majesty, chose the cross to save me.
Don’t Drift | Kim Chipman
S~ But you must continue to believe this truth and stand firmly in it. Don’t drift away from the assurance you received when you heard the Good News. Colossians 1:23a (NLT)
O/A~ Drifting away…happens SO easily and SO quickly! You warn me all over Your Word to stand firm. You must know I need the reminder! Paul also talks earlier in this chapter about continuing to get to know You better and better. All of these reminders are why I need the DAILY bread of Your Word. I drift. Quickly.
I often think of life and my walk with You as a river. It’s always moving…some places it’s more calm, some it’s white water rapids. You are at the top of the river – upstream. If I don’t consistently, intentionally pursue You I will go wherever the river takes me. That may not be bad or painful all the time, but I am drifting away without the intentional effort to move toward You. Eventually, drifting away from You will not end well.
P~ Help me to stand firm and not drift…to continue to believe Your truth…renew my thoughts intentionally and continually. The world is moving at a blistering pace, filled with distractions. Help me to focus on You. I love You!
Servanthood | Kelley DeAses
S~ I have become its [the church’s] servant by the commission God gave me to present to you the word of God in its fullness. Colossians 1:25 (NIV)
O~ A servant does not do his own bidding, but acts at the pleasure of another.
A~ I am in a bit of a holding pattern at my job these days as the administrative assistant to a senior pastor who has been chosen, but has not arrived. There are certain other responsibilities I am managing in the interim, some of which may continue forward, but so much of what I will be doing depends of the needs of the new pastor. My job is to do what he needs me to do to help equip him to lead. At home, while I would not use the term “servant,” as a wife and mother I certainly attempt to address the needs of our family — the home, the meals, the schedule, etc. The summer months present new challenges in terms of 24/7 parenting, requiring my husband and I to do a lot of communicating and cooperating to manage our child’s care and activities with both of us working.
But what Paul was speaking to in this verse, and the overarching purpose I too must heed, is my service to Christ. Those of us on the DOT team do what we do –read God’s Word consistently and post our journal notes, teach classes, and make resources available to get others into His Word — because we have “tasted and seen” the sweetness of having God speak into our life and circumstance. We, along with Paul, were given a commission by God “to present to you the word of God in its fullness.”
P~ Father, Keep stoking the passion in me — first, to spend that sweet time with You, and then to share what You’re telling me, both in words and by how I try to walk it out in my life.
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Posted on June 15, 2015, in Uncategorized and tagged 1 Kings 16, 2 Chronicles 15, 2 Chronicles 16, Bible, Bible reading, Bible Study, Colossians 1, daily devotions, discover one thing, discoveronething, discoveronething.com, life journal, Luke 10:42, SOAP note. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.